Everything To Expect As You Go Back To School

February 20, 2019

On February 8th,2019 the Academic Staff Union of Universities announced their decision to suspend their strike after reaching an agreement with the Federal government. Students across the country came to a solemn realisation – school was going to resume soon. On the plus side, the final year brethren get to graduate this year. On the other hand, the battle with our archaic educational system for a degree continues.

Hope you’ve enjoyed waking up by 11 AM and eating whenever you like because it’s back to crappy hostels, terrible power supply, hot weather, boring lectures, mandatory pseudo-fasting, and “this-school-is-a-scam” rants.

 

Nationwide, academic activities are set to resume and we thought it would be nice to remind you of a few things.

Get Ready To Lose All The Weight

You’ve been at home for more than 3 months so it’s only natural that you’ve put on some extra weight. If you haven’t, contact your village people immediately and beg. 

Things are about to change though, you’re all going back to your respective war camps and torture facilities. That means that some bald middle aged man with his notes from the 80s is about to bore and stress you till you can play do re mi with your rib cage. 

Do You Still Remember Your Matric Number?

If, like me, you gave up on school and forgot your matric number during the strike, please line up according to your height. We’re buying zobo to wash away our sorrows make we dey alright.

 

PS – Ask your class rep, he’s been signing your attendance for you so he knows.

Time To Become A Bread And Beans Warrior Again

If you’ve grown accustomed to Basmati rice and Chicken fillet with a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice to wash it down, I’m already crying for you. Brethren, forget the comfort you have known and return to your bread and agoyin ways as quickly as possible. 

Hope You’ve Been Happy For The Entire Year

Fun fact about most universities – as you walk (or drive if you’re now a big somebody) through the gates, you’re leaving your joy and happiness outside, you’ll pick it up when you exit the premises.

 

Las las, may the joy of the Lord be with you.

 

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