If These 8 Kinds Of Nigerian Students Don’t Make Heaven, We’ll Protest

September 28, 2020

Oh, ye believers, I know you want to make heaven, but if everything we hear is true, not everyone will clinch the ticket. I don’t know really know how this whole thing works, but if there is indeed heaven and hell, these students have to be among the first sets of people to be admitted. You agree with me, don’t you?

1. The students that agree to help you print and submit your assignments

As these people come through for us on days when we don’t have anything to do in school but submit an assignment, so shall God grant them easy passage into heaven.

2. The students that help you keep a seat when you’re running late to class

This is questionable behaviour, but since they ensure you don’t stay on your feet for the duration of the class, they deserve to be among the first sets of people to make heaven.

3. The students that help you write attendance, even if you forget to tell them 

They have to make heaven, for obvious reasons.

4. Students that organise tutorials when it’s time for an exam

They give you a fighting chance here, so they deserve all the good of the afterlife.

5. The students brave enough to leave the class before the lecturer when the hour is over 

Their kind is rare but they do the Lord’s work, and the lord has to reward them.

6. The students that take your food off your electric stove if it’s burning and alert you

Ultimate love day 26 wow

They could have ignored it or stolen it, but they decided to do good. They have to enter heaven.

7. The students that write notes in class and allow you to make photocopies

They are the best!

8. The students that always have money and ready to loan

They don’t have to, but they do. Hell is not their home.

Toheeb Lanlehin

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

November 21, 2019

The Confusion that follows the release of the exam timetable You begin to wonder how the weeks flew so fast. As far as you know, the semester started about three weeks earlier. The question that clouds your mind at this point is “where did the time go?” The pressure of assignments due to be submitted […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

December 4, 2020

Lawal Adijat Opeyemi of the New Nigeria People’s Party (NNPP) will be contesting in the Lagos East Senatorial by-elections which is scheduled to hold this Saturday, December 5, 2020. The by-election became a necessity after the death of Senator Bayo Osinowo earlier this year, who represented Lagos East Senatorial district, following a brief illness. A […]

December 4, 2020

If your friends are bugging you to join them for outings this month, we have the perfect harmattan excuses to help you stay indoors. You’re welcome. 1. “The sun is too hot” This one isn’t even an excuse. It’s a fact. The sun these days can make somebody run mad. Just stay inside your house. […]

Recommended Quizzes

October 30, 2019

2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

April 3, 2020

While the rest of the world loves to treat our continent like a country, there are actually 54 African countries. So, in a bid to test your knowledge (and educate you), we’ve created a quiz to see how many of their capitals you can correctly name. Go ahead:

More from Aluta And Chill

September 25, 2020

For a Nigerian father, it is not enough that you made it to university. No, no. “Any random person can go to the university,” they’ll say. To them, it’s the course you study that matters.  1. Medicine This is top 2 and it’s not number 2. A Nigerian father’s ultimate dream is to say, “My […]

September 25, 2020

Dear OAU students, everyone knows that you have a vibrant community, so it’s only right that we do a post about the Obafemi Awolowo University experience. This one is for you: 1. When you are coming from Academics at 3 AM and Seun Risky has not closed  I serve a living God. 2. Awo boys […]

September 25, 2020

What does life look like for Gen Z Nigerians everywhere in the world? Every Friday, we ask five Gen Z Nigerian students one question in order to understand their outlook of life.  We recently wrote an article about some Nigerians struggle with drug addiction, so we decided to ask five students why they started using drugs in the […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X