Do Children Actually Need To Be Beaten?

August 30, 2018

When a lot of people recall childhood beatings, it’s often with a hint of wry humour and I’m usually just blown, like

Excuse me, what about getting beaten is funny? Your dad or mom had you hospitalized and left a permanent scar on you and you’re laughing almost fondly? What in the Stockholm Syndrome is this? I often find that the longer people tell these stories, the humour fades and their true feelings of the events are exposed – whatever they may be. Admittedly, if I were asked to recount such tales, I’d probably laugh in the process of telling it as well. Well, that just might be because I’m damaged. Who knows?
Corporal punishments or what we call beating, is tightly woven into the average Nigerian or African’s correctional culture. It starts at home with parents, aunts or uncles and older siblings, and extends to school and sometimes even religious institutions. In fact, it’s not the strangest thing to see a man or woman “discipline” a complete stranger’s child for some wrongdoing or other. They say it takes a village to raise a child and this village believes in the supposed effectiveness of beatings. However, with all the beatings and supposed discipline, crime and immorality are still rife in the society.
View this post on Instagram

#stopbeatingchildren

A post shared by DjWoske Thoughts #Woske (@woskethoughts) on

A lot of people will argue that beatings didn’t leave any lasting mental scars, that they’re actually better for it. These same people look forward to beating their children for not much other reason than ‘well, it was done to me and I turned out well’. That might be true, but you could definitely have turned out a whole lot better. In an environment that often disregards mental health, it would be hard for you to even tell the signs. Damaged people damage people.

There are many detrimental effects of corporal punishment.

If you were beaten as a child, it’s okay to admit that you are damaged. It makes it easier to notice the signs and break the cycle. Unless you have the very spawn of the devil as a child (which is very unlikely) there’s no way he/she won’t be able to discern right from wrong, especially if broken down and properly communicated to them. It doesn’t have to be etched on their bodies through beatings. In contrast to what parents are trying to achieve, the child most often only learns to fear punishment, rather than understand why he should follow rules. They become sneaky and learn to hide bad behaviour well, because of the fear of punishment. AKA “wrong is what gets you punished; right is what gets you praise or avoids punishment.” Morally upright, indeed. See this.
Beatings don’t teach your child to behave properly. A child who gets beaten for fighting a sibling won’t magically learn how to get along better in future. Parents are in fact just sending a confusing message by doing exactly what they’re trying to get the children to not do. Children do what parents do, more than what they say. Effective discipline should always teach new skills, and parents are responsible for the child they raised. Parents often lose it and react, and in the process don’t teach anything other than that their child should be afraid of them. Parents who use corporal punishment often react out of desperation before they really consider the underlying reason. The child just gets beaten without fully understanding what they did wrong, simply learning that their parents don’t like it and not to do it again… and get caught.

Parents who employ corporal punishment as a discipline tool are simply training their kids to resent them.

Beatings damage your child’s self-esteem, their ability to interact properly with others, their view of the world and their view of how they deserve to be treated!

View this post on Instagram

Sighhh #stopbeatingchildren

A post shared by DjWoske Thoughts #Woske (@woskethoughts) on

Beatings push your children away from you, and they become vulnerable to picking up vices from strangers. They also perfect bad habits such as lying. Why make your child grow up traumatised?

Punishment isn’t the only facet of discipline! In fact, if your discipline consists of just negative consequences, it isn’t very effective.

Some parents, when asked why they beat their children, will say out of frustration “I don’t know what else to do.” How would you feel if you were meted out that same punishment by a spouse or loved one with the excuse of them not knowing how else to let you know you’d made a mistake? That would be termed ‘Emotional Pain and Suffering’ for an adult, so why do we believe children don’t have the same feelings that adults do? The screaming that comes from a young child being beaten is not so much the result of physical trauma as it is emotional trauma. They experience the overwhelming emotional pain of rejection, worthlessness, and the betrayal is usually much worse than any physical pain.

So, is #StopBeatingChildren a relevant movement in the Nigerian society? Yes.

We need to recognize beatings for what they are – abuse. We need to break the cycle of abusing our children because we were abused. There are other equally effective methods of disciplining a child without physical (or verbal) abuse. Parents can try, for one, actually talking to the kids like they’re human beings with brains. They should also try educating them as patiently as possible about the dangers or implications of their bad behaviour. Ignore them, ground them, take away something they love, clearly express your disapproval and lecture them if need be, just do anything but abuse them. The mental scars you inflict on them will last longer than any lesson you’d like them to learn.

What are your thoughts on using corporal punishment as a discipline tool?

Avatar

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

September 10, 2018

Making legitimate money online for many young people would be the ultimate dream. For so many young people across the world, being able to find steady income-generating opportunities online, would allow them to quit their toxic day jobs and become their own boss.   In addition, being able to spend quality time with family while […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Buffet
October 28, 2020

For many Nigerians, their experiences at buffets rank highest as one of their most embarrassing moments.  Read: 5 Ways A Buffet Can Go Wrong In Nigeria From simple things like being overly shy because you now have to exercise your alimentary canal in front of everyone, to really serious buffet malfunctions like when a host […]

smiling couple
October 28, 2020

On October 29, 2020, we’ll be launching Love Life. It is a new Zikoko series about relationships, situationships and entanglements. To get you excited, here is a quiz that will tell you just how much you bring to your relationships. Hello people of the internet, you can now support us financially to help Zikoko keep Zikokoing.

Nigeria New Constitution
October 28, 2020

Nigerians are wondering if we can vote for a new constitution. The curiosity began, again, when Chileans voted on October 25, 2020, for a new constitution. 78% of Chileans voted in the referendum that the constitution should be re-written, and 79% voted that the constitution should be written by new writers elected by the people. […]

October 28, 2020

Yesterday, we told you 7 Things You HAVE To Know Before You Peg Someone and while most people screamed in revulsion, some others were more open to the idea. I was curious so I asked six Nigerian men what they thought about pegging. Abomaye, 25, Straight Honestly, I really think it opens a whole new […]

October 28, 2020

If you’re a woman with a male bestfriend, you’ll relate to one or more of the things on this list. 1) People are always coming to you as “a woman.” Guys, pls. Let’s be guided. 2) His girlfriend is always suspicious of you The ones that don’t come as a woman are always wondering if […]

Recommended Quizzes

October 30, 2019

2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

December 11, 2019

In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:

November 12, 2019

Are you a single pringle, stuck in a complicated situationship or happily married to the love of your life? This quiz is here to guess your current relationship status, and as you know, Zikoko quizzes are incredibly accurate (don’t quote us). So, give a shot:

More from General

Buffet
October 28, 2020

For many Nigerians, their experiences at buffets rank highest as one of their most embarrassing moments.  Read: 5 Ways A Buffet Can Go Wrong In Nigeria From simple things like being overly shy because you now have to exercise your alimentary canal in front of everyone, to really serious buffet malfunctions like when a host […]

October 17, 2020

Although non-members of the LGBTQ+ community are harassed when profiled as “gay”, a lot of people believe that the QueerNigerianLivesMatter hashtag is unnecessary. Members of the LGBTQ+ community, like many Nigerians, are fighting for their right to exist. They are victims of police brutality. So, we spoke to some queer Nigerian protesters to tell us […]

September 2, 2020

Just tired of staying in the same place? Want to explore? We compile 5 of the best things we have heard about Calabar. 1. Richness in Culture Calabar culture is one of the richest cultures in Nigeria, varying from food, to dances to festivals and carnivals. You should give the city a visit. 2. The […]

August 31, 2020

I had a conversation with a 24-year-old who suspects that her husband cheated on her with his cousin while they were still dating. She talks about the age difference between them, the disrespect she had to endure while dating him and the choice she had to make. There are so many decisions I have made […]

August 31, 2020

1. Time To Go And Meet Your Favorite Lecturer You, yes you. You have had peace of mind for the last 6 months. But in the next three weeks you will try to submit your assignment after the deadline and someone will shout “Will you get out of my office?!” Why? Because the Governor of […]

August 28, 2020

At some point, Nigeria will have to declare a national emergency on the crime of defilement. For starters, I actually thought “defilement” was just another sensational term used on newspaper headlines, but it actually is a criminal offence. Section 137 of the Lagos Criminal Law (2015), for instance, prescribes an imprisonment for life for anyone […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X