The Guide To Being A Nigerian Lecturer

December 20, 2019

Everyone has to agree that a lot of Nigerian lecturers belong to one big elite club. This would explain why they have an almost identical modus operandi. What do you have to do to become a part of this club? We have some suggestions.

Lose every bit of your conscience

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This is the first stage and probably the most important thing you have to do. See, to do this job, you have to become a god of sorts, and to become one, you have to lose everything that could be an inhibition. Once you work around this, you can have the mind to tell your students that “A belongs to God (i.e you)” but because you are benevolent, they can work towards getting a B, which they probably won’t get anyway.

Develop a liking to early and late lectures

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As a Nigeria lecturer, you must wield every bit of the power you have. One of your favourite things to do has to be scheduling your lecture to early mornings and late evenings. If you can help it, don’t have any your lectures between the hours of 9 AM and 4 PM. Your ideal lecture times should be either 7 AM or 6 PM. And oh, for extra points, have your classes during the weekends sometimes to shake things up and make them more interesting

Be Obsessed with attendance 

The number of signatures on your attendance sheets at the end of every lecture is the only valid testament to the fact of how good of a teacher you are. The logic is quite simple, really; if students find your lectures interesting, they will never miss them. However, if the numbers are not up to your liking, you can still have the laugh last. Nothing throws students into a panic the way a ‘tear a sheet of paper’ command does. Should you care about how they feel, though? No! Absolutely not!

Never update your lecture notes

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Remember the notes your lecturer gave you about 15 years ago? Yes, that should be your material now that you are a lecturer too. Forget all that might have changed in these years, pass the exact knowledge that was passed to you.

Have a hate-hate relationship with technology

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You have to believe that technology will make your students lazier than they already are. Ensure that everything they do while taking your course is done manually. Your knowledge of technology shouldn’t go deeper than how to useWhatsApp; everything after that is not essential.

Toheeb Lanlehin

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