Life is good. Life has its perks sometimes, despite all its (very many) bumps. However, you might, for any reason, decide that you’re tired of life and living. Especially if you’re living with Nigerian parents. Do any of these and you’re assured of a speedy dispatch to the afterlife. You’re welcome.
1. Put it on your mother’s head
You know how your mother says “put it on my head” when you ask where to put something? Try putting it on her head, for once. Let us know how it goes.
2. Rub your father’s bald head
You know how they say rubbing a bald head brings good luck? You can decide to rub your popsy’s shiny head. You can add a light tap, if you’re feeling extra. Do let us know which hospital you end up in.
3. Tell your father you hate him and walk out
Just like in American movies. You think you can pull it off? Go for it.
4. Don’t bring out the soup from the freezer
Just know you’re finished.
5. Defend yourself from beating
“So you want to beat your mother abi?”