13 Sentences You’ll Never Hear From Your Nigerian Parents

May 4, 2016

1. “You are right.”

In your dreams.

2. “I am sorry.”

Sorry for what?

3. “I love you.”

Just manage it like that.

4. “You’re not feeling fine? You don’t have to go to school today.”

Better carry your drip and go to school.

5. “Do you want to go to church?”

Is it an option?

6. “Can I come into your room?”

They will now ask for permission in their own house again?

7. “You got a C? At least you tried your best.”

Best ke? When the people that got As don’t have two heads.

8. “I came second in class.”

NEVER! They only came first.

9. “Don’t worry, I’ll wash the dishes.”

When it’s not that you don’t have hands again.

10. “Yes, you can become a rapper.”

Not unless “rapper” is a new type of doctor.

11. “You can keep the change.”

See you. Better empty your pockets.

12. “What do you want to eat?”

This question does not exist because the answer is always rice.

13. “Let’s talk about sex.”

Never. Going. To. Happen.
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