13 Words That Do Not Exist In Your Nigerian Parents’ Vocabulary

August 5, 2016

1. “Allowance”

Which one is allowance? Are they not ‘allowing’ you live in their house for free? My friend, will you leave this place.

2. “Privacy”

You want them to give you privacy in their own house? You want them to knock before they enter your bedroom? You’re a joker. You will get privacy when you move out and marry.

3. “Dating”

Which one is dating? Better face your book, graduate, then you can ‘date’ your spouse after both of you have married finish.

4. “Sex”

Sex doesn’t exist. Simpu. The end. Full stop. Bye.

5. “Rest”

Rest ke? Are you God? Even God created the whole world before he rested? What have you done in your small life that you are resting? You can rest when you have died, abeg.

6. “Please”

Why are the people that gave birth to you telling you “please” biko? So they should beg you to bring the remote that is right beside them? You are not a serious somebody.

7. “Sorry”

Shebi people only say sorry when they are wrong? Well, there you have it, your parents can never be wrong. So why should they even know that word?

8. “Thank you”

Wait, you want your parents to thank you for doing something? See this comedian. The only time you might mistakenly hear those words is if you tell them “I love you.”

9. “Adult”

You think you are now an adult because you have turned 18 abi 21? Ehn go and report to the police that your parents don’t know what adult means. You will still chop all these slaps and punishments.

10. “Sick”

You’re not sick, you are well in Jesus’ name.  Now stand up from that hospital bed, wear your uniform and be going to school.

11. “Sleepover”

You want to go and sleep inside another person’s house? You don’t have house? You don’t have bed? Infact, you don’t have sense.

12. “Whispering”

Why should they be whispering? If they don’t shout on the phone and at the person standing right beside them, how will people now hear what they are saying?

13. “Grounded”

Which kind of oyinbo nonsense is that one, abeg? Go an bring that cane from their room now now jare.

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