The Nigerian Guide To Juggling Multiple Partners

August 11, 2020

You’re Nigerian. Cheating is in your blood. You might try to fight it but eventually, your true nature will prevail.

To make it easier for you, we are offering you this nice guide to help you manage your diverse portfolio of partners. Shh. Don’t let your partner know.

1. Call all of them “Babe, Honey”

That way, you won’t accidentally call them each other’s names.

2. Save your side’s number with “Kunle Rewire.”

But don’t come and meet us when she asks you why Kunle Rewire is telling you he enjoyed all your special moves last night.

3. Don’t use Face ID

They can open your phone when you’re sleeping

4. Use a strong passcode

Naturally, your passwords should be something along the lines of “Wnb][UHm886KKq**491^2lovemybaby”. Nothing less than this. 

5. Use a unisex perfume

So that when you come back smelling like men’s cologne or women’s perfume, they won’t suspect anything.

6. Give them timetable

Confused The Kid Mero GIF by Desus & Mero

Be careful to spread them across different times. Memorise the schedule so you’re not caught slipping.

7. Go to bed “early”

When you’ve been busy climbing your side pieces and haven’t replied your main’s text in a while, leave it till the next morning and tell them you slept off. Doesn’t matter that you slept off by 5 pm. Just tell them.

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Olufemi Fadahunsi

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