You know how Nigerians are generally homophobic; any small thing and they’ll recoil and say “Ah yew a gay?”
First of all there’s nothing wrong with being gay. Second of all, there are some perfectly normal things homosexual and heterosexual men should be able to do without being labelled.
If you do some of the things listed below, they either say you’re acting like a woman or that you’re “a gay.”
Men aren’t even allowed to have the most basic form of skincare apart from rubbing cream. If you own ordinary facial cleanser, people will pile on you to ask whether you’re a woman. To Nigerians, the end of skincare for men should be Irish Spring and Vaseline.
If you use sunscreen, scrubs and toner, that’s the end. Nigerians will probably call the police on you. Abeg, take care of your skin before you come out looking like harmattan victim.
Walking into a Nigerian salon for pedicure and manicure is like walking into the market naked. The women will look at you like you grew horns on your chest. Grooming your nails has nothing to do with your sexuality. That’s why your feet look like you were escorting the Israelites during their journey through the desert. Get a mani/pedi TODAY.
3. Wearing body jewellery
If you’ve managed to do the above things without being labelled as gay, Nigerians won’t let you escape this one. Wear an anklet and you are guaranteed to receive funny looks all day. In fact, anything more than wristwatch, chain and a ring is guaranteed to make you the center of attention. For Nigerians, multiple pieces of jewellery mean you’re “doing like woman”. If you wear waistbeads, forget it.
4. Using lip balm
You might wonder why so many people walk around with lips cracked like the dry Savannah plains of East Africa. Let me tell you why. It’s because Nigerians think men using lip balm is akin to them using lipstick and is, therefore, GAY. That’s why.
Please, please and please, endeavour to use lip balm. Your partner is too shy to tell you but I will tell you on their behalf. Take care of your lips.
5. Snappy fashion sense
Nigerians love a fashion-savvy man. Just make sure you’re not *too* fashion-savvy. If you are, you’ll soon start to hear whispers of “Maybe he is a gay.” Shoutout to the gay fashion icons. Nigerians, people can dress well and not be gay.
6. When they tell their bros “I love you”
When you finish fighting for the above, this is the final boss level you must fight. If you tell your Nigerian male friend you love them, they begin to avoid you like a plague. The toxic masculinity is so strong, fathers don’t even say it their sons.
Don’t tight the world to your chest. Relax small and tell your friends you love them. You will not die.
You should probably read Are Nigerians Now More Accepting Of LGBT Rights? Idk sha.