Once upon a time, I recapped an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity. Due to the article’s popularity, a coworker suggested that I start doing weekly recaps of hilariously insane pieces of media (books, movies, etc) in a series that was eventually named “So You Don’t Have To.”
It’s been over a year since then and with 2020 ending (us) soon, I decided to compile a list of the most-read articles in the series.
This recap was brought to you by my obsession with this movie and my crush on Ghost Liz Benson. I whipped all of you in the face with nostalgia and got to see Ghost Liz Benson again in all her terrible 90s CGI glory. It was a win-win situation. Read the article here.
This book was written by a woman named Evangelist Fumilayo Adebayo. She claims to have been a high-ranking agent hell who was present when artificial hair was invented by the QUEEN OF THE COAST and MEDUSA. That isn’t even the best part. Read my recap here.
A few days after the premiere of Beyonce’s “Black Is King’, a woman named Delphine “The Delphinator” Okobah posted a ten-slide carousel on her Instagram claiming that Beyonce is a witch trying to enchant the world’s youth. This article was the first time I recapped a conspiracy theory. Read it here.
Written in the first person and sounding like a very angry diary entry, this book outlines what the author wants us to believe are the Queen of Coast’s terrible plans for humans. Something involving 1.8 million trained female spiritual assassins, demonic cosmetics, and an incurable asshole disease. Read my recap here.
The Polish erotic romantic drama film, ‘365 Days’ came out this year on Netflix and everyone lost their minds because of how steamy the sex scenes are and how terrible everything else about it is. People referring to it as “Fifty Shades of Grey on steroids” made me watch it. They were not wrong. Read my recap here.
In the book’s first paragrah, the authorclaims that masturbation is the act of having sexual intercourse with demons and impregnating/getting pregnant by them. The rest of the book made my head spin. Read my recap here.
This 2010 movie was clearly made by homophobic Nigerians hoping to make other homophobic Nigerians foam at the mouth with homophobia. They succeeded but also ended up making a movie so bad — in every way — that it circled around and became unintentional comedy. Read my recap here.
Many people don’t know but this insane piece of propaganda was written & produced by pastor, self-proclaimed witch hunter, and all-around threat to children everywhere, Helen Ukpabio. After witnessing the movie’s insanity, I closed my laptop and screamed, “HELEN UKPABIO MUST BE STOPPED!” Read my recap here.
From complaints about it stealing personal data to displaying pornographic ads, Adamu Garba’s Crowwe app has gotten terrible reviews. I took it upon myself to go through the app’s reviews on the app store and make a compilation of the funniest ones. Read the article here.
Are you a fan of eating your partner’s genitals as a form of foreplay? If so, the author of this book says that the devil has infiltrated your life and that you’re royally screwed. Read my recap of this insane book here.
Check back every Friday for more So You Don’t Have To insanity.
Click here to read other entries in the So You Don’t Have To series.
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