Once upon a time, I recapped an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity. The article’s popularity made me turn my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today, I’ll be recapping an insane article titled, “Career Women Are Failures In The Eyes Of God.”

The author starts the article explaining that when he says career women are failures in the sight of God, he doesn’t mean women who’ve been forced to work.

He then makes it very clear that he’s referring to women who planned to have a career since they were teenagers. He calls them “utter and complete failures” and says they will feel shame when they stand in front of God one day and feel shame about not fulfilling the purpose for which they were created.

He talks about a letter he received from a young woman named Shary. I paused here to laugh because what the fuck kind of name is Shary? Did her parents pick her name by blindfolding themselves and pointing at a random page of a Christopher Pike novel?

Here’s Shary’s letter:

So he gives Shary (and other women who may be in the same position) the worst advice I have ever heard. Worse than the advice from Tyler Perry’s plays. Worse than the terrible advice Toke Makinwa gave that one time (she’s given a lot). Worse than when my secondary school guidance counsellor advised me to go to science class just because I was kinda good at Integrated Science, causing me to struggle for the rest of my academic life.

He quotes Genesis 2:18 to explain why God created women.

He says that women weren’t created to have equal rights like men and pursue careers outside the home. He insists that God wants the life focus of women to be serving their husbands, children, and society. Then he quotes more scripture to support his point.

He talks about the woman referenced in Proverbs 31…

…and says that those who see the woman as biblical career woman are deceiving themselves by intentionally ignoring the command given in Titus 2:5 for women to be keepers of the home.

He pauses here to go on a rant about feminism.

He says that feminism’s biggest lie is convincing women that they can have it all and follow their dreams while also taking care of their husbands and children. He chastises modern-day churches that support feminism for not telling women what he claims is the truth.

He makes reference to women who are “without natural affection.” These women, he says, care more about themselves than anyone else. And will do whatever it takes to further their careers like dropping off their crying infants with nannies and murdering their children (by aborting them).

He ends the article with this:

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